2019 is truly shaping up to be an amazing year for movies. Okay, sure. It’s not going to become another 1999 where we had masterpieces like “The Matrix”, “Fight Club”, “Magnolia”, and “Being John Malkovich”. But for the most part, we had some excellent gems in 2019 like recently with “Booksmart” and especially “Avengers: Endgame”.
The problem is with a great year of movies is that there also has to be a mischievous side where it can bring cringe-galore comedies and generic action films. In terms of worst films, it is nowhere nearly as tedious or atrocious as 2017 nor 2016 where films like “Mike and Dave Need Wedding Dates”, “The Bronze”, “A Bad Moms Christmas”, and “Fist Fight” stirred a brutal hornet’s nest through my mind.
There are still steaming piles of junk to be found in 2019. Dig in.
#5: Hellboy
To be honest, I was actually looking forward to this film due to how really good Guillermo Del Toro’s films were with their unique balance of dark comedy and horror. You could tell there was strong potential with this film because of director Neil Marshall, whom directed one of the best horror films of the century, “The Descent”. His flare and style could have worked with this film. But, no siree bob. The character of “Hellboy” (now played by David Harbour instead of Ron Perlman) feels absolutely watered down and took it down a huge notch that I was not expecting. The film is easily obsessed with being aware of it’s R-rating overly using many cuss words and blood/gore that feel both tiresome and unnecessary. Finally, the CGI (which should belong on a discount Sci-Fi channel) looks like eggs you would see at an Easter brunch. Other than Milla Jovovich as the Blood Queen, it is sad because this version of “Hellboy” could have been so much better. Thank god this is considered one of the superhero genre’s biggest bombs let alone my biggest disappointment of the year.
#4: After
It’s kind of interesting that this film came out the same week as “Hellboy” and my pick for the #1 worst film of 2019. Young-adult movies haven’t been that bad this year with films like “Five Feet Apart”, the criminally underrated “The Sun is Also a Star”, and the amazing “Booksmart”. Let’s all forget this movie called “After” that might have some of the cringe-galore romantic bonding I have seen from a young-adult movie since “The Darkest Minds”. The story tells about a college student named Tessa Young, whom wants to have a secret relationship with a somewhat called “bad boy” named Hardin. Well, that sounds like a good idea, right? Not! The film apparently delves into many difficult paths we have seen in better young-adult movies like “The Fault in Our Stars” and “The Spectacular Now”, where we can trust the relationship and believe in it. Instead, the audience gets a campy and syrupy version of a college relationship. It is an unintelligent love story that deserves to be in the bin of all recent Nicholas Sparks-wannabe films once and for all.
#3: What Men Want
The good news about 2019 is that I have not encountered that many awful comedies. The bad news about 2019 is that my Top 3 are all time-wasting comedies no one should go out and see. “What Men Want” is such an unnecessary and offensive sequel to a decent Nancy Meyers comedy called “What Women Want”. Taraji P. Henson plays a successful sports agent named Ali, who is left out by her male colleagues. While acting like a poor little baby when not receiving the title she asked for, she needs to find out the truth to improve her society in a man’s world. In order to hear other men’s thoughts, she meets a psychic sister (Erykah Badu) that gives her the power to hear “what men want”. What a bad year for Taraji P. Henson so far. She has been in the racial biopic bore-fest “The Best of Enemies”, then she has to be as an obnoxious sports agent (“Moneyball” for dummies!) in what is a very offensive movie that offends the natural personalities of men. I will say that Tracy Morgan was surprisingly not the worst part in this film after his awful role in “Fist Fight”. This has also one of the worst wedding scenes in recent memory when one of Ali’s “friends” slap the groom. You ain’t seen a wedding scene this bad if you thought the wedding scene in “Nobody’s Fool” was just as bad. It truly shows that “BET Films” is going to cease operations soon.
#2: The Hustle
Why does anyone have to ruin the charming likability of Steve Martin and Michael Caine from the con artist comedy classic “Dirty Rotten Scoundrels”? Of course it has to happen because of Rebel Wilson inserting many of her signature fat humor, but for the worse. “The Hustle” is a remake that should have never happened nor touched with. At least with “Ocean’s 8”, it felt like a solid and fun retelling of Steven Soderbergh’s “Ocean’s 11”. The hideous and harmful accent of Anne Hathaway as Josephine Chesterfield came off like a textbook example of a live-action cartoon. It gives a massive slap to the face to Michael Caine’s darkly comedic character in the original more so than Bruce Willis in last year’s remake of “Death Wish”. Her attitude is so hideous that she threatens Rebel Wilson’s character to eat a french fry out of a toilet! Dear god. Rebel Wilson does her fat humor as well as immediately plagiarize Steve Martin’s original characteristics (like him being an old man). There are a couple aspects that surprisingly kept it from being a low grade like a D. Anne Dudley’s (The Full Monty) score makes it like an old-fashioned crime comedy with a french style to it. The opening traditional animated scene was charming enough even more than the actual movie. That’s pretty much it. Now, please don’t even dare remake “The Blues Brothers” with Tiffany Haddish and Kate McKinnon. It will make “Blues Brothers 2000” a epic masterpiece.
#1: Little
Now, we get to the one where my anger got as deep into my red veins when walking out of this film that should be thrown in the garbage while burning in the highest temperature of flames. “Little” (more like “Abysmal”) is a true act of crime to sit through this slump that felt like it was made by Adam Sandler’s “Happy Madison Productions”. Jordan Sanders (Regina Hall) is a degenerate boss at a gaming company annoying her co-workers, which brings to her idea that she wants to be little again. This movie has one of the most implausible and nonsensical premises I have ever seen distributed on celluloid film that it should go straight to the Disney Channel with “High School Musical” and “Camp Rock” combined. I would watch both of these in a loop than watch that ugly disaster. Marsai Martin should be in better stuff when given the right script because she has to have one of the worst performances given by a child in a movie. The movie gets worse from the horrendous “Breakfast Club” rejects to the dinner scene where young Jordan sings on top of a winery bar. Justin Hartley couldn’t even bother saving this movie as Jordan’s middle school teacher. “Shazam!” did a way better job when it comes to the body-switching premise. This film overall puts the audience in a bad mood while watching this garbage. It is that bad. Yes, I mean watch out, “Dirty Grandpa” and “Mother’s Day”.
Thanks for tuning in to this list as always! Look out for more reviews to come for “The Secret Life of Pets 2”, “Brightburn”, and “Booksmart”. Always watch awesome movies and stay positive!
